When Enough Is Enough

I have alluded to my unhappiness with my last job on this blog before. I have mentioned it but not gone into too much detail. Since this is a public forum I will not go into specifics about the company or reasons why I left. But I can say the company culture, environment, policies, industry, and schedule were absolutely not for me. I learned a lot there. I have so much I can put on my resume. There are countless projects I worked on and skills I gained. But the job also took a lot from me as well.

I constantly complained. If I had a bad day (which was often) I called up my parents to bitch and moan. Soon after, I would call my boyfriend to complain some more. If it was really bad I would call friends after that. I needed to complain to everyone about my bad situation. Every time I spoke with my boyfriend I had some new story to tell, a new grievance to mull over. This was constant and unrelenting. I couldn’t help myself. I needed to explain my frustrations. To try to make them understand what I dealt with on a daily basis. My friends and family were good to me. They let me complain. They didn’t put up much of a stink about it. But I knew deep down that I wore them down. That they were apprehensive about my calls. That hearing endless complaints is tiring and all around not fun. But I couldn’t help myself.

I was also constantly spent. I would come home from work and not feel like doing anything. I didn’t feel like going grocery shopping or making dinner. I didn’t want to clean or write a blog. I didn’t do crafts or bake or even read, activities I used to enjoy. I wished I did these activities more. I wanted to make myself home cooked meals. I wanted to write a blog. I wanted to read. But I was so emotionally and mentally spent from my job I could not find the motivation to tackle any of these tasks. The only thing I could manage was heating some food in the microwave, watching TV and browsing Tumblr.

In general I felt unhappy. I knew I hated my job, but it’s not until this moment looking back on things do I truly realize how much that job affected me. It changed me. It kept me from doing the things that I loved. It kept me from making my friends and family happy. I kept me from appreciating the little things in my life that give me joy.

So why didn’t I leave sooner?

Change is scary. Change is hard. I hated my job, but I knew what to expect. I knew I was good at it. I knew the routine. To move on from that meant moving to the unknown. What if I wasn’t good at my next job? What should I expect? What was I even looking for in a new position? Those questions paralyzed me. They left me stagnant and unable to make a change for a long time. But finally, finally I started making some moves. I made the decision to leave. I didn’t want to sacrifice my personal life, my happiness for this job any longer.

Enough was enough.

Would I change anything that happened? No. That experience helped to define me. It led me here, where I am abundantly happy. It helped me to grow and to learn. It taught me a lot about myself and my morals. So no I would not change my experience, but I certainly don’t plan to go through it again.

So my final advice is make the change. The unknown is scary. It’s scary but so worth it.


Talk to Me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s