Last night I was talking on the phone with one of my best friends in the entire world. She was telling me about a recent issue she was having with her boyfriend. She explained the issue to me and said she talked to her boyfriend about the problem. She mentioned that when she spoke with her boyfriend about this problem she qualified her issues by saying things like “I don’t want to seem overbearing” or “I’m not sure if I’m off base.” My friend was concerned that maybe she was overreacting. That she was seeming too clingy. That see was acting like the crazy girlfriend.
As soon as she admitted those fears to me, I knew the feeling all too well. I had immediate flashbacks to arguments and discussions with my boyfriend early in our relationship. I would tend to qualify my feelings with the same sentiments. “I don’t know if I should be mad about this.” “I don’t want to control you.” “I don’t want to blow this out of proportion.” I was very concerned about being the crazy girlfriend. Whenever I had an issue in my relationship or with my boyfriend I seconded guessed myself, I questioned my own sanity.
Because no one wants to be that crazy girlfriend. We all know who she is. The girlfriend that keeps tabs on her man at all times. Who doesn’t allow him a boys night out. Who climbs all over him and sits in his lap. Who texts him nonstop. Who calls 7 times in a row. Who questions him about every girl he ever speaks to. Who needs constant reassurance her guy is hers and only hers. Who starts a fight about everything. You know, the girl who is loathed and made fun of by all men and scorned by women for giving us all a bad name.
The fear of being the crazy girlfriend is inside all of us I think. So in order to avoid being crazy we qualify our feelings. We question our emotions. We allow problems to go on too long because we are scared bringing them up will make us insane.
But guess what? Acknowledging your emotions and discussing them in a calm way is not being crazy. It’s called being a human with emotions. It’s called being an adult who can discuss those emotions in a healthy way.
Here is a list of things that can be considered crazy:
- Locking a guy in a house and never letting him leave
- Kidnapping a guy for talking to another girl
- Breaking a guy’s legs so he can’t run away
- Handcuffing yourself to a guy so you can never be separated
Here is a list of things that are decidedly not crazy:
- Acknowledging your feelings and emotions
- Expressing your feelings and emotions to your partner
- Asking for a mature discussion about problems and issues you are having within your relationship
- Wanting recognition and understanding of your emotions from your partner
- Looking for compromise about issues and problems from your partner
Relationships are a two way street. You should be able to freely discuss your feelings with your partner without being labeled as a crazy person. You should not feel ashamed of your emotions. Emotions are a normal part of human existence. Accept them. Love them. And discuss them with your significant other. I promise you, you will not be crazy if you do.